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03 July 2006 @ 09:23 pm
Back in late May, the day I had been waiting for, for over a year now finally came. I graduated from Schenectady County Community College. The day overall was suprisingly bittersweet. I said goodbye to good friends and alot of bad ones. As much as I will miss being a music major at SCCC, I am more excited about looking forward and moving on and pushing further ahead with my academic career. My family took me out to dinner and later that night I went over to Mer's to see her new puppy Lucy who was flown in that day, she was way too cute.

So after I was done with school I took a much neede break from SCCC. I had a gig at the Schenectady Composer's Forum. I had my orientation for Saint Rose and it was amazing. I have my schedule for next fall semester, my student ID and everything is basically all set for me to go. I even have a roomate! I will be living with Naomi in the fall. I really can't wait. She is such a good friend of mine and Im SO glad she and I have stayed friends over the past ten years or so. I truly love Saint Rose. It's freaking amazing. I know im going to enjoy it a million times more than Schenectady. Im really only going to miss a small, minute, handful of people from Schenectady. I hated it there. I did not fit in at all and all anyone ever did was make me feel like a piece of shit. I hated spending any time with most of them because everyone treats everyone like shit and talks about them behind their backs or theyre fairweather friends or theyre just hopped up on drugs all the time.
Good Riddance to bad rubbish I say.

I have been having the most amazing summer though. And it wouldnt be anything if it werent for my few friends from home. Samantha Kollar is my favorite. I have absolutely no idea what I would do with out that girl. Well I do, I would have gone absolutely insane.

A problem arose after being home for a while, and I quickly realized it was a problem that also happened back in high school. A group of friends of mine that I hung out with in high school, that I have continued to be friends with post high school...started really making me feel like dirt. Now in some cases I understand that they want to do their own thing sometime or have a girls night out or whatever...but all the time? It just got to the point where I realized I was too good to be treated like this and needed a break from them. It really hurts, but life goes on I suppose. Its funny because these people know absolutely nothing about me...and theyve known me the longest....its mainly because theyve never asked.

I have so much planned for the summer. I can't even explain in words how thrilled and excited I am. I'm going to TWO amazing concerts. Im going to see Ashlee Simpson & The Veronicas...and then....I'm going to Darien Lake to see none other than the god of everything herself, KELLY CLARKSON. Thats right. Sammy & I are going to see Kelly Clarkson with my brother Shane and my awesome Sisterinlaw Holly :-D I can not wait, only 6 days away! Im also going to see Adirondack Drums with my brother in Glens Falls. And Project Runway 3 premieres and Im going to watch it with my closest friends from SCCC, Mego and Lisa.

I have completely taken a break from dating. I havent even flirted or have gone on a date in way over two months. It honest-to-god- does not even bother me. Which freaks me out a bit and I wonder if I'm asexual. Hahhaha, but I think I just needed a break from that as well. I needed to get away from alot in Schenectady.

I'm pretty much ready to take on the world now. I've let go of all my inner demons and let go of all the horrible people in my life , past AND present. So much has changed. I have found out who my real friends are and I love them to death. So much has happened and so much has changed. I left the CLT finally. My winterguard was 3rd in the entire state. I had an amazing year at SCCC and I came along way in my performing and received the ultimate complements from Mrs. Heilman and Mr. Wery. I nailed my finals and jurys. I'm ready to take on whatever is thrown at me.
Current Location: G-Vegas
today I'm:: accomplishedaccomplished
in my ear: : Ashlee Simpson - Autobiography
02 June 2006 @ 11:48 pm
JelanDr: its been a slow summer so far
JelanDr: just relaxing
JelanDr: how bout you
last crusaderx99: same here.
last crusaderx99: Im done with it.
last crusaderx99: hahaha
last crusaderx99: Im so bored.
last crusaderx99: hahaha
JelanDr: haha
JelanDr: i saw adrian cohen last night at justins
JelanDr: with brittany and adam
last crusaderx99: who
JelanDr: adrian cohen, hes a jazz pianist
JelanDr: mad good
JelanDr: brittany and adam, they went to SCC
last crusaderx99: Ah.
JelanDr: lol
last crusaderx99: LOL
last crusaderx99: fuck you!!!!
JelanDr: hahaha
last crusaderx99: I havent been gone that long :-(

JelanDr: yo tell me to stop eating these peanuts
JelanDr: dammit
last crusaderx99: ...
last crusaderx99: care to elaborate on that
JelanDr: theres always a big bag of peanuts at my house
JelanDr: and its always on the counter
JelanDr: so i take 1
JelanDr: but you cant eat just 1 peanut
JelanDr: so 1 turns into like 100
last crusaderx99: you need to eat peanuts.
last crusaderx99: you weigh like 4 lbs.
JelanDr: lol
JelanDr: its just rediculous
last crusaderx99: EAT CARBS AND RED MEAT DAMN IT.
JelanDr: my reasoning right now is, i cant go to bed because i must eat more peanuts
JelanDr: mmm red meat
last crusaderx99: Thats a little warped.
last crusaderx99: LOL
JelanDr: i eat a lot i just dont gain weight
last crusaderx99: me either:-(
JelanDr: haha, i'm gonna do protein shakes
last crusaderx99: I scream at my body.
last crusaderx99: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
JelanDr: haha
JelanDr: i can just picture you screaming in a mirror
last crusaderx99: I THINK YOU DO YOU DIRTBAG >:o
last crusaderx99: DONT YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK
last crusaderx99: ....
JelanDr: hahaha
JelanDr: i'm not gonna lie
JelanDr: this explains a lot
last crusaderx99: I hate you.
JelanDr: haha
JelanDr: i always find some nice way to elaborate on ur jokes and turn them against you
JelanDr: you love it
last crusaderx99: I hope you become a s thin as Kate Moss and slip through a window and fly away to some asian third world nation where they eatpeople like you .
JelanDr: lol
JelanDr: well i'm gaining weight
JelanDr: BITCH
last crusaderx99: DIE.
JelanDr: quit being so fat
JelanDr: fatty fatkins
last crusaderx99: Whats that I hear? Oh its you getting fat.
JelanDr: mcfatness
last crusaderx99: youre so fat
last crusaderx99: when you haul ass
last crusaderx99: you gotta make two trips.
JelanDr: fatshua fatson
JelanDr: haha
last crusaderx99: Fatlin Fatler Fat...ields.
JelanDr: haha, doesnt work
last crusaderx99: YES IT DOES.
last crusaderx99: YOU TAKE THAT BACK
JelanDr: haha
JelanDr: throwwwwww it back
Current Location: Home
today I'm:: exhaustedexhausted
in my ear: : Fall Out Boy - Where Is Your Boy Tonight
23 May 2006 @ 10:55 pm
too down lately to write my own words.
these are just as good...

If only I knew what I know
I'd make it a point to say so
To everyone that got me here
And everyone that made it

Clear I was dead wrong all along
You said it for my sake
That I would not lose my way
When I was astray

I'm doing the best that I could
Trying my best to be understood
Maybe I'm changing slowly
I'd get out turn around if only I

Knew I was dead wrong all along
You said it for my sake
As if I would lose my way
When I was dead wrong all along

Mine is not a new story
But it is for me

So I was dead wrong all along
You said it for my sake
You thought I'd lose my way
When I was dead wrong all along
You said it for my sake
That I would not lose my way

Did I really lose my way
Or are you afraid

ps. can't seem to get you off my mind.
as if it matters anymore. :-\
today I'm:: blahblah
in my ear: : The Fray - Dead Wrong
20 May 2006 @ 12:47 pm
I feel so pathetic today. I'm really starting to think Im just that type of guy thats supposed to have a shitty social & love life. Like, I really don't fit in anywhere. Either I don't smoke enough pot to fit in with one group, or I don't sleep around enough to fit in with another, or I don't talk about how great I am to fit in with another, or I don't have vast amounts of promiscuous random sex to fit in with another or Im too old or Im too young. I hate it. You know what else is pathetic? I'm going to be 21 and Im a virgin. You would think this wouldnt be a big deal, but Im not one because of religous purposes, I just havent lost it ad I dont plan on losing it to someone random and being a complete whorebag. But to hear about everyone else's constant triumphs just really gets on my nerves after awhile. I just think I'm giving up. One too many failed attempts at finding my 'niche'. And I absolutely refuse to change who I am to fit in anywhere. I am happier with who I am now more so than I have ever been...I think...I just hate that other people make me rethink everything. I hate that. Aaaaaargh. I just don't like where things are at right now. I'm very much lost and sometimes I feel like theres no hope of recovery.
Current Location: home
today I'm:: crappycrappy
in my ear: : Coldplay - Talk
20 May 2006 @ 02:05 am
Why am I so pathetic?
15 May 2006 @ 10:52 am
A nice play on words. Haha... So its finals week. This means I am almost completely done with SCCC. Its so close I can taste it. I can not wait to be done with that place. No one can even come close to understanding. The people I go to school with are beyond disgusting. Everything was going fine, and I really thought we were all going to leave on a good note until massive amounts of drama started to happen. I swear to god everyone has slept with everyone or bad mouthed everyoned or just started being stupid in the last two weeks. Stupid in the sense more so than throughout the entire year. Its so disgusting! And whats worse, everyone only talks about themselves and their issues and most importantly themselves and did I also mention they only talk about themselves? I honestly think a nuclear bomb could have gone off in my back yard and my entire neighborhood could have died except for me and people would still come and do nothing but constantly bitch about them selves or talk about how great they are or how theyre in love or who theyre sleeping with. Now, dont think Im a bad listener, I love hearing about other peoples lives. But when thats all I hear about non stop, it gets annoying. Its moreso annoying when I dont believe I talked about myself or my life to other people in a good month and a half, and even if I wanted to, I dont know even where to begin since I forgot how to discuss my own life to other people. Its so fucking frustrating! You people are disgusting! Im supposed to call you my friends?! Newsflash! Youre not! Its so frustrating, most of my friends seem to care less about my life or whats going on, or where IM performing or what IM doing or doing something for ME. Aaaaaaah! Friendship is a two way street. Not a crammed dead end alley inwhich Im stuck at the DEAD end. Bottom line: Get your head out of your own ass and get over whatever the fuck has been going on, stop sleeping around with everyone, stop thinking youre the greatest thing since jesus, stop macking it to yourboyfriend nonstop, and realize there are other people in thise world other than you. By the way, this whole angered venting is me SOBER and this entry applies to alot of people. One last question. Do you realize these may be the last times you ever see me again? Yeah, you most likely dont care. Me not being around just means one less person to talk to about yourself, right?

Moving on...I just took my TheoryIV Final. It was alright. I dont have to come in for my Aural Skills final tomorrow which is amazing. And I only have 3 finals and a jury left. One final being percussion techniques today. Theory was the hardest out of all my finals so its clear sailing from here on out. Im so happy that its all almost over. It was going to be bittersweet. But then people had to ruin our last few weeks together. I JUST finished my jury sheet. I really don't care since Ive taken Performance Concentration IV and got an A, and Im just taking it for the performing experience. My Winterguard DVD came in the mail this weekend. With everything going on lately, it just made me sad to think it was another reminder that my socalled friends showed no interest in my life whatsoever being that only Julie & Leslie saw my guard once at Mohon in January, and Sam and Stella saw my guard in Johnstownm, and of course Manda & Joe saw it since theyre involved with guard. God most of my friends are assholes. On that note, I need to run errands and take my percussion techniques final.

4 More Days....
Current Location: S Mad Cs
today I'm:: annoyedannoyed
in my ear: : Kenny Loggins - I'm Free
08 May 2006 @ 02:39 pm
So today marks the beggining of the end. There is one week left of school and then final exams, in which I only have 4exams and 1 Jury. I have Wind Chamber concert tonight, ( WHICH WILL SUCK, DONT GO ) Im totally not ready, the piece is rediculous and I did not have any time to devote to that this semester. If Mr Thibodeau hates me for it he can just basically suck it. I'm overly insanely stressed out about Wind Chamber right now because I just had an absolutely disgustingly horrible run through of the piece with Ariane and I just am way way too worried about tonight's concert. My recital is Weds. My very last one. I couldnt be any happier. Im so excited. After a year of bitching about how much I hate it, Im finally grauating.

Last Friday I went to go see the Saint Rose Wind Ensemble Concert. It was amazing. I really couldnt believe how amazing their intonation was. They only tuned once for the entire concert and had amazing intonation for the entire length of the program. The concert overall was amazing and I can not wait until the fall.

I have no idea where Im living next year. The entire concept really stresses me out. After things Ive heard on the news as to whats happened around the area of Saint Rose, I really do not want to live somewhere where I would get mugged, raped or maimed beyond recognition.

The Wind Ensemble & Orchestra Concerts were absolutely amazing.
I will miss playing with these ensembles greatly...

On the way to get ready for the Orchestra concert, Julie, Emilee and I listed to "Closing Time" by Semisonic....enough said.
Current Location: SCCC Music Computer Lab
today I'm:: contemplativecontemplative
21 April 2006 @ 10:15 pm
3 weeks until graduation. Thats insane. I'm so insanely excited about it, I can't even explain it in words. I cant even tell you how much I have changed as a person in my 3 years at Schenectady. The people Ive been friends with, the people Ive stopped being friends with, the people I dated, the things I did, the things I regret. I almost changed my major in that second year that was kind of my year off. I didnt really know what I'd change it to. I think it was going to be theatre. But then I changed my mind yet again and stuck with music as always. I love music so much, its such a huge part of my life, I cant even explain it. I cant wait for next year and to move on. Im entirely done with SCCC.

Theres so much insane childish drama and insanity going on at SCCC. People are freaking out over the dumbest situations and people are wigging out about school and everything. I cant STAND it. For people who say they dont like drama or immaturity, you cause alot of it. Most people just need to get over themselves. You people are fucking crazy. I really think some people need to take a step back and really look at what theyre freaking out over. Granted, theres always a situation where a person has every right to freak out. But in most cases, its just mere childish stupidity.

Speaking of being a child, Im so happy I have figured out what Im doing for the future and that Im on track to accomplish it. Some people have no idea what theyre doing in the fall whatsoever. Not only do they not know, some refuse to take any logical suggestions from their friends, and if they bitch next year that they are unhappy, I will personally slap them several times.

I really like where I am in my life. I couldnt be happier. Well maybe I could, but for once, I really think I am honest-to-god happy with who I am and where Im at with things. I know EXACTLY what Im doing in the fall and Im excited for it, I know what Im doing with my life thereafter. Im really happy with where I am as a musician, Ive receievd amazing comments from some of my professors, Im doing well in theory for once and completely kicking ass in MCE. My social life could be a little better, but its not nearly as dramatic as it once was, my friends are truly amazing and I love them to death and I will do anything for them. You know who you are. I never need to talk about my closest friends in blogs because they know how I feel about them and they know how much they mean to me, I dont need to plaster it in specifics over livejournal to belittle other people. I love you guys, and you know who you are. My Winterguard program is finally taking off and really expanding into an amazing program, Im so thrilled to be contributing to the arts community in Fonda, theres been so much interest in band and guard, it makes me happy to see that these kids are getting a better education than I am and they have these great experiences available to them and I can say that I have contributed in some way, shape or form. Its an amazing feeling.
Current Location: G-Vegas
today I'm:: accomplishedaccomplished
in my ear: : Queen - Somebody to Love
17 April 2006 @ 10:51 am
I feel like absolute garbage today.
I really wish I didn't feel this crappy.
blah. :-\
Current Location: Begley Library
today I'm:: depresseddepressed
11 April 2006 @ 10:01 am
Is it just me, or is Fulton County making a comeback? I mean, since when do we actually have more than one store and foodchain? Have I really been that busy to not notice all the new shit in the area? hahaha...The weather has been so nice out lately. There is no greater feeling than driving down Stoners Trail Road with the windows down blasting angry Kelly Clarkson music. Ahhh, I love springtime.

Im bored out of my mind right now in the library at SCCC. Luckily things have been going pretty damn good for myself, now that I have eradicated most of my problems and drama. If its one thing I've learned in life, there are some pretty disgusting people out there that will bring you down. You just can't let them succeed.

Yesterday marked the 5 week point until graduation. Can I just say I am insanely excited? Although, even though its hard for me to admit, I am going to miss parts of SCCC and the Music Dept and certain aspects. I will miss my usual daily routines with people and seeing everyone around. But then again, it is most definitely time for a change and I can not wait for it any longer.

I think for once I'm in a good mood.
So don't fuck it up. :)
Current Location: Begley Library
today I'm:: calmcalm
in my ear: : Camille Saint Saens - Danse Macabre