So alot has happened since I last updated. I will just go from date to date within this entry.
2/10 - Today is the SCCC Prism Concert at The Glove Theatre in Gloversville. Its completely bizzare being in the Glove theatre for so many reasons. First off, being on the board of the competing theatre and performing at the Glove felt slightly odd, not that I really have a favor towards CLT anymore. Secondly, I saw alot of people I have not seen in ages, nor did I need to see. And lastly, seeing all the people from SCCC in my own home town. How ultimately thrilling. So I wasn't feeling so well that night and people were just being their immature selves, so I decided to go home for dinner,I mean I live so close by, it would be stupid not to. I can NEVER go home for a break with anything school related, so I was excited to do so. So, I come back from the break, and clearly three people have an issue with me and completely have walked by me and ignored me...Megan finall pokes me and says "Hi" and I appreciate that but...the other two? So I think nothing of it for the night, do my performance, kick ass and then call it a night.
2/11 & 2/12 - So I have Winterguard practice, we have now at this point won our first two competitions and we are progressing extremely well. ITs going to be an amazing season. I haven't talked to anyone from SCCC since Friday because I just assume people were out of sorts and there was no big issue, so I really didnt talk to anyone for the next couple of days, mainly because I was busy for most of the weekend.
2/13 - So today I only have one class, so I finally get to hang out with George today! It was exciting finally being able to meet him. I really had alot of fun hanging out with him and after I definately think I need to do this again. So I didnt go to Perc. Tech that day. Its a stupid one credit class. I don't care. Again, I really didnt have a chance to talk to anyone about friday, and not thinking of anything, I assume nothing is wrong since no one has talked to me either, so Im assuming everyone is just busy, as everyone usually is.
2/14 - Oh Joy. Its Valentine's Day. I decide on my 5 hour break to go visit Leslie & Katie at Saint Rose. It was a blast. At this point, I'm still not thinking anything bad is going on or whatever. Other than making someone cry in the lounge...haha ask me about it. So I get back to SCCC for Wind Ensemble and the moment I walk in the door I can tell things are weird. I see Megan and she has this incredibly fake...weird ass smile on her face telling me that she and I need to talk...I was like about what...and she just kept smiling and was like..." things. " Finally it dawned on my when a friend of mine just had not talked or made eye contact with me the entire time I was there. It really hit me when I was standing outside of the Wind Ensemble room on our 5 minute break. Keep in mind, I have humility and I know when I am wrong. If I had done something horrible at some point I would be the first to admit it earlier in this entry. Which I have not. So anyway, we are on our five minute break for Wind Ensemble, all of a sudden I hear the same friend who has not made eye contact with me, completely going off about something, so I start paying attention wondering whats wrong, until I realize who theyre discussing...It was me. Already I could not believe what was happening...my supposed best friend was really infuriated with me and ripping me apart, yet no one came up to me to talk to me about it at all...and people were already forming judgements about it before I even said anything...And talking to Megan...I just started to say..."I can't believe theyre doing this..." and before I could finish, she says to me "WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERENT SO MEAN TO HER." and I just stood there and completely stared. She quickly apologized and I started to say, without flippingout, you havent even heard my side of the story, someone youve been friends with much longer and trusted longer, and you havent heard my story or my argument and you're already making accusations to me? I have not done anything. All that happened was that certain people assumed I was really mad at them, so instead of acting like mature adults, we had to go behind my back and rip me apart and tell people how MEAN Josh is being and how HORRIBLE Im treating them. Funny. Last time I checked I have done nothing. I start to get really upset at the fact that no one as come up and talked to me other than third parties. Im greatly disappointed the person couldnt come up and ask me what my problem was , so from the very get go, I could have said "Nothing, I was never mad at you, Im sorry I came across in a way you thought I was."
2/15 - 2/16 - So nothing really has come of this situation and people continue to ignore me in the hallway and information surfaces to me about things being said, and its just not nice. I have not discussed this problem with anyone at SCCC and I just try my hardest to distance myself.
2/17 - Is the night of the concert. Paul Nance came and filled in for James, it was amazing and made me REALLY happy to have a real horn player playing next to me for once in Wind Ensemble. Not Adam or James. Leslie & Katie come to see me play, I was really excited. Also, Troy and Leslie's friend Matt came as well. And with that group of people and the given situation, I knew the night wasn't going to be really drama free. So the night ends and Im talking to Katie and Leslie and Lydia and Jess in the Wind Ensemble room with Colin and his girlfriend Jen. Matt and Troy walk in and we're still talking. And then you know who walks in. So later that night Me, Leslie, Matt, Troy, Katie, Lydia, Jess, and Leslie's friend Jon all go out to play pool, it was actually a really fun, and quite interesting evening to say the least...haha....
2/18 - Day of the JHS competition. My guard won by 6. Booya. We're undefeated. I love my guard kids so much and I could not have been any prouder of them. Its going to be an amazing season.
2/20 - So alot of information surfaces. I had asked for my piano music back for my accompaniment. I could not risk the drama and the poor situations on my solo or getting Honors Recital. So I just simply asked for it back. Little did I know, that my music was returned to Mr Evans a while ago. I was never told because the individual was afraid I would think they were doing it on purpose. So instead, they decide to be cowardly yet again, not tell me and apparently I was without an accompanist for 2 weeks and I had not known. You at least owed me to let me know you couldn't do it. That really hurt and disappointed me yet again. What hurt me more, is that everyone else seemed to know about my music being handed back. Even TROY who isnt even in the music department knew, Iris knew, Ariane knew. How is that fair? How is that mature? How is that evem common decency. But I am the mean evil one here? People have IMed me...asking why I am mad at this person, or trying to get involved. I just tell them kindly, it is none of their business and It doesnt concern them. This person has said so much to people about things, when it wasn't in their place. They have been doing nothing but assumtion since day one.
You have really deeply hurt me. I thought you were one of my best friends whom could come and talk to me about anything. But you chose not to. I do not understand how someone badmouths one of our mutual friends and then pretend as if you have NO problem with her, continue to exemplify the epitome of immaturity when you do nothing but call others immature including myself and the above mentioned mutual friend immature, you have said horrible things to me like "You're not going anywhere, youre just going to end up at St Rose." when I have not once discussed my future in definate with anyone. And above that, you tell others thats where I'm "ending up". You have clearly done alot to hurt me. And I have not done one single thing to hurt you. Other than this entry. But this is to clear the air and clear my name and get this all off my chest because I can not take it anymore. You all need to take a good long look deep within yourselves before you all look around to realize no one is there by your side or behind you anymore. At the rate you are going, that will be any day now. You all need to come clean with yourself and the others you supposedly care about. If you don't, others soon will.
I honestly have no idea who or what I can trust anymore...It really blows. There are some days I honestly sit and wonder if there is anyone I can trust. If I really do have any true friends? For example, another friend of mine seems to think I have this huge issue with him, which I don't, wrote a blog entry about it in which eveyone was like "Its his loss, blah, blah" And...that wasnt exactly what I needed on top of it all. I do not, nor have I ever had a problem with you.
I would be lying if I did not say I was ultimately lost throughout the course of life right now. I really am unsure as to what I want to do in life, and I am really unsure who my true honest to god friends are anymore. Be offended if you wish, but I honestly have no idea anymore with all the problems arising as of late. I have for a while just been distancing myself from school, every break I get, I leave to run errands or just go somewhere away from school where no one can find me...however, I start to wonder. Do I have a niche anywhere?
in my ear: : Incubus - The Warmth