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Joshua
03 April 2006 @ 09:38 am
What a week. Thats all I have to say. We'll just start with the bad and get it over with quick. Basically, I let myself get completely hurt this week by someone. There is this friend of mine that I had started to get close to and really have honest-to-god feelings for. They had recently told me that they werent really over their last situation and couldn't see themselves developing feelings for anyone else right now, which sucked, but c'est la vie I guess. But then less than a week later they had something in their bulletin about meeting this new guy and how amazing he is and all this gushy stuff about how what an amazing time they had together, etc etc...And then theres pics of them kissing this new person...or what I think is the new person in their myspace. The worst part is that they gushed about this person right in front of me and then gushed over a friend of mine, right in front of me...and they didnt understand why I was so upset. I was so angry, I was so angry I had let myself fall for this person because if I hadnt, then I wouldnt have felt completely and totally heartbroken when this had all taken place....pathetic, right? (Un?)fortunately this is all over i suppose...I really dont think the person in this topic really cares if we never speak again. And to this person directly? Please do not post to this LJ entry.

Friday morning I observed at Knox Junior High School, I saw Mella in a percussion lesson, talk about random. Also, about 4 kids asked me,"Arent you the Fonda Guard Director?". So I FINALLY got to watch RENT friday night with the two best people on earth, Sammy & Stella. After getting Market St Pizza and seeing half of Johnstown HS behind the counter at Market St, we went back to watch Rent. Every other sentence out of Sam's mouth was "OH MY GOD THIS ONES MY FAVORITE." or "JOSH, YOU ARE MARK!." kthx. haha. Then we decided to watch, what Sam insisted on calling "The Glenn Gary Show". I do not think I can really put this television program into words, so I will post pictures later on about what it was. You'll see.

Saturday was fun until certain drama between a friend of mine and her ex-boyfriend. I would elaborate but the only people who need to know whats going on, already know.

Minus the very first situation, I really did have a great week. The weather was AMAZING, to say the very least. I wore flip-flops at the slightest hint of warm weather and I loved it. haha...


"Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn,
Take me baby,Or leave me"
Tags:
 
 
Current Location: Begley Library
today I'm:: busybusy
in my ear: : Rent - Take Me or Leave Me
 
 
Joshua
So last night I saw "Annie" at FFHS with my brother and our friend Debbie. I was mainly going because all my guard kids were in it one way or another, and then the pit band was axed from the show and so only one of my guard members were in it, so I still went. It was cute. I cheered loudly for Cristin (who shouldve had a much larger role, along with Karen.) However, Karen sang my FAVORITE song from that show; "Youre Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile". Afterwards, I went out to Applebees with Shane,Debbie and Will came later. I discussed my AMAZING idea for winterguard next year. Don't bother asking, I wont tell you.

So today Im heading off to the mall for some ME time, shopping always makes me feel better. After that I have to head over to Schenectady for CRWE rehearsal from 6-8. Theyre playing some amazing music. In particular, theyre performing 'Fantasia in G' by Mahr which is one of my all time favorite pieces that I performed with the Schenectady Wind Ensemble two years ago. Its basically a fantasy on the theme of 'Ode to Joy'. I love it. Theyre also performing the last movement (Lost Lady Found) of 'Lincolnshire Posy' by Grainger......which I performed my Senior Year of high school...it was bizzare.

As soon as I heard the music it was almost as if I flashed back to high school for a split second. It just maked me sad that everyone has changed and I don't really talk to ANYONE from high school or who I was friends with in high school. Change is a funny thing, it can be an amazing thing, or a horrible thing depending on whos looking at the situation. In the cases of some of my friends from high school? Its been a very bad thing. Especially when we get disgusting scumbag boyfriends who act like a 15 year old frat boy and we get drunk so bad that we're vomiting before 12 midnight, or we get so self absorbed all we can talk about is about every person weve hooked up with, how much I can drink in one night, everynight, or this or that. You are so self-absorbed. Get over yourselves.

As far as my love life goes? Im just going to die single ande alone. Its official. Hahahaha.....Thats all Im saying on this topic.

I honestly dont know what to make of the recent events that have taken place. I really dont. I dont know what to make of my friend and I dont know what to make of what happened. I was disgusted with what I saw at a friend's apartment on St Patricks Day...I was a little taken back by a certain conversation I had with a friend...just alot has been happening. Im out for the day, week, maybe even month? Who knows when any of you will hear from me.
 
 
today I'm:: annoyedannoyed
in my ear: : Hole - Celebrity Skin
 
 
Joshua
18 March 2006 @ 04:49 pm
EVERYTHING, IS wrong. And I need to do alot of thinking and just make my life good again. Im not weak or pathetic, IM alot stronger than everyone thinks I am. Im turning my god damn life around and if youre not in it, tough shit. This song is in reflection to the past week. Everything fucked up that could happen, happened. Im sick of the mind games, Im sick of being treated like shit, Im too good for that, and Im too good for some of you. I need some ME time to figure MYSELF out. I dont think I want to change any, when Im in a good mood and shit is not bringing me down, I really honestly like who I am. " I AM ME AND I WONT CHANGE FOR ANYONE."  Oh, and I had a rather...bad Saint Patrick's day....incredibly bad. I knew I should have just stayed home and gone to bed. Oy.





Im just really not okay anymore. I need to change how I go about dealing with life
and I need to change who I keep in my life....clearly.  I do not need to change who
I really am. I just need to find that person again....


With that said....



"Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall, everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through


(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along "

Amen.
 
 
today I'm:: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
Joshua
13 March 2006 @ 09:51 am
So I had a horrible night last night and a shitty morning with my horrible exam and I had written a long calm entry about all the events that had taken place but I accidentally Xed out of the entire entry. Because I am fucking brilliant. I truly suck at life.

Last night was the orchestra concert. It was 'alright'. My section either came in early, came in late, or didnt come in at all. It wasnt exactly one of my best concerts either. Lou said my mistakes were contageous. So funny. Don't blame me for your own atrocious performance.

So I also had a theory exam this morning. I completely blacked out and forgot how to write German 6th chords. I know I completely bombed it. I also got a 63 on the first exam. Whos fucked? I am. I cant let this one little class prevent me from graduating. Why am I such a failure? Im so fucking stupid when it comes to theory. I hate what a fucking spaz I am and how I really can't seem to do anything right anymore. School,Work, my so-called personal life...if I even have one anymore. Im in such a state of panic over theory because there are only 3 (4 if Im lucky) exams and they count well over 60% of my final grade in that class. Well I suppose if I was able to pass the class last semester getting a 22 on the first exam, I guess I can do better in theory this semester. I feel like such an idiot. All my friends do so well and completely excel in college and I have to worry about passing this one class? How pathetic can it get? Especially having two brothers who got full scholarships and high honors to their colleges.

Speaking of which. I have no idea how the hell Im going to afford college next year, let alone a new horn. If Lou, Norm Clo, or Mr. Patrick bother me one more time about buying a new $3000 horn, or going to BOSTON to go get one, Im going to ask them if they have the money for me.

My personal life is a complete mess. I honestly dont know if I have any close friends anymore and if I do, I don't know how I'm keeping them. I live 45 minutes away from everyone and I barely ever have time to hang out. And if I ever take an interest in someone(which I have) I wouldnt ever have time for a relationship, even still, I always take a liking to someone who either doesnt like me back, likes me but decides to be fucked up about it, or Im just used as 'the transition.' so fuck love and dating Im just going to be single.

Sometimes life needs an eject button. Not meaning to eject yourself from life in the sense you kill yourself...more of a pause button maybe. Just to slow everything down enough to catch up with yourself and make everything okay again. Because I keep tripping up and fucking everything up and I dont seem to find time to get back up again. I know it sounds bizzare but writing in here always seems to make me reflect and make me feel better because I have a chance to assess the situation and figure things out. Especially since I know no one ever reads this thing so I can basically be as candid as I want.

I know I just can't give up and let myself lay down and die. I def. feel like I have done that these past two weeks...just give up. Since when do I GIVE UP!? I just can't. I've always faught tooth and nail to excel.
 
 
today I'm:: blahblah
in my ear: : U2 - Stuck in a Moment
 
 
Joshua
Alright, I'm a little less erratic and much calmer than I was. However Im still pretty upset, just when you add being over tied to that mix of emotions, you tend to fly off the handle even more. I've had it with everything I think, and I need a huge change in my life asap. I really don't fit in anywhere anymore. I've lost touch with most of my friends from High school, as most people do. Unfortunately most of them have changed and I really don't care to speak to them anymore...such is life. People come and go, people change and leave your lifes. Its sad really, but its really a huge part of growing up and going into your twenties. I KNOW I'm really not a horrible person and I KNOW that there are people out there that love me, its just that theres alot of people who do not, and it just kinda sucks. As do my so-called friends at college. I'm just going through a really hard period in my life where I'm trying to get a sense of who I really am and when you really don't belong ANYWHERE its really hard to accomplish that.

I Really have no idea who I can trust and who I can not anymore. People who I thought I could, have backstabbed me, or just have changed completely, or turned out to be a completely different person from who I thought they were originally. And people are still friends with people even though they know how backstabbing they are, and they know how rediculously mean they are, and they know that theyve been talking about them behind their backs...I really just don't understand people sometimes. Is there some giant colossal joke I'm missing? Because I just don't get it.

Minus the angry hurt, pissed off side of myself, I really like who the real me is, I think because Im just in an unfortunate circumstance that I am around of alot of people I do not care for, I tend to lose track of who I am and that I really do like who I am. I don't think I'm really trying to find myself as much as just...'re-locating' myself. I don't really like the fact that some really shitty people I have come across in my life have really made me feel like shit about who I am, and hate myself for it, when I really shouldn't be.

For the time being, I really think I have completely given up on dating and relationships. Considering two things, People are assholes, and really no one finds me attractive. Hahahaha. I should really slap myself or have someone punch me for saying shit like that. I tell others to not have such a low self esteem about themselves yet I say shit like that. Yeah, I'm cool. But in all reality, when it comes to the dating and realtionship department Im so grossly unexperienced it sometimes just makes me depressed just thinking about it. But at the same time I hate how people take that one aspect of who I am and automatically assume I am a young, naive, innocent, little boy when thats extremely far from the truth. I really havent decided if thats a good thing of a bad thing. You be the judge.
 
 
today I'm:: confusedconfused
in my ear: : Anna Nalick - In the Rough
 
 
 
Joshua
06 March 2006 @ 11:40 pm
Im sick of most of my so-called friends.

Im sick of my horrible personal life.

Im sick of my non-existent love life.

Im sick of being underappreciated at my job as a guard director.

Im sick of the fact I havent acted in over a year.

Im sick of the fact that I drive two hours a day to
get a shitty education and to be treated like shit by
fucking dumb ass losers.

Im sick of not being able to make new friends too well.

Im sick of just about everything.

What the fuck is wrong with me.
 
 
today I'm:: draineddrained
in my ear: : Evanescence - Tourniquet
 
 
Joshua
06 March 2006 @ 10:38 am
Read inbetween the lines...
_________________________________
Well, it's been almost a year to the moment
When I finally realized it was over
And I knew that love wasn't good enough
Of a reason for me to stay
Well, I saw you yesterday; you were drivin'
And I tried so hard to forget
You were alive, and as you passed by I began to cry
Over things that I did not say

And hide underneath my blankets and sheets
I'm finally free
I'm killin' the ghost of you, and I'm close to
Awakening me

Yeah, yeah
So I'm takin' my heart and I'm gettin' me out
And love's something that I wouldn't wanna live without
So I'm takin' my heart and I'm gettin' me out
On my own, my own, my own

Well, it takes all of my strength to be stable
And I force your insults under the table
And if you were wise you would compromise
And allow me to live my way
'Cause I am not a force to be reckoned with
And you don't have a clue what you're messin' with
And you can't see to the best in me
'Cause it's more than your heart can take

And hide underneath my blankets and sheets
I'm finally free
I'm killin' the ghost of you, and I'm close to
Awakening me

I'm awakening me

I'm awakening me, yeah

I'm awakening me

So I'm takin' my heart and I'm gettin' me out
And love's something that I wouldn't wanna live without
So I'm takin' my heart and I'm gettin' me out
On my own, my own, my own

I'm takin' my heart and I'm settin' you free
And, baby, now you're just another song to me
And the edge of your sword isn't sharp enough for me
To bleed
 
 
today I'm:: determineddetermined
in my ear: : Anna Nalick - Bleed
 
 
Joshua
27 February 2006 @ 07:54 pm
So alot has happened since I last updated. I will just go from date to date within this entry.

2/10 - Today is the SCCC Prism Concert at The Glove Theatre in Gloversville. Its completely bizzare being in the Glove theatre for so many reasons. First off, being on the board of the competing theatre and performing at the Glove felt slightly odd, not that I really have a favor towards CLT anymore. Secondly, I saw alot of people I have not seen in ages, nor did I need to see. And lastly, seeing all the people from SCCC in my own home town. How ultimately thrilling. So I wasn't feeling so well that night and people were just being their immature selves, so I decided to go home for dinner,I mean I live so close by, it would be stupid not to. I can NEVER go home for a break with anything school related, so I was excited to do so. So, I come back from the break, and clearly three people have an issue with me and completely have walked by me and ignored me...Megan finall pokes me and says "Hi" and I appreciate that but...the other two? So I think nothing of it for the night, do my performance, kick ass and then call it a night.

2/11 & 2/12 - So I have Winterguard practice, we have now at this point won our first two competitions and we are progressing extremely well. ITs going to be an amazing season. I haven't talked to anyone from SCCC since Friday because I just assume people were out of sorts and there was no big issue, so I really didnt talk to anyone for the next couple of days, mainly because I was busy for most of the weekend.

2/13 - So today I only have one class, so I finally get to hang out with George today! It was exciting finally being able to meet him. I really had alot of fun hanging out with him and after I definately think I need to do this again. So I didnt go to Perc. Tech that day. Its a stupid one credit class. I don't care. Again, I really didnt have a chance to talk to anyone about friday, and not thinking of anything, I assume nothing is wrong since no one has talked to me either, so Im assuming everyone is just busy, as everyone usually is.


2/14 - Oh Joy. Its Valentine's Day. I decide on my 5 hour break to go visit Leslie & Katie at Saint Rose. It was a blast. At this point, I'm still not thinking anything bad is going on or whatever. Other than making someone cry in the lounge...haha ask me about it. So I get back to SCCC for Wind Ensemble and the moment I walk in the door I can tell things are weird. I see Megan and she has this incredibly fake...weird ass smile on her face telling me that she and I need to talk...I was like about what...and she just kept smiling and was like..." things. " Finally it dawned on my when a friend of mine just had not talked or made eye contact with me the entire time I was there. It really hit me when I was standing outside of the Wind Ensemble room on our 5 minute break. Keep in mind, I have humility and I know when I am wrong. If I had done something horrible at some point I would be the first to admit it earlier in this entry. Which I have not. So anyway, we are on our five minute break for Wind Ensemble, all of a sudden I hear the same friend who has not made eye contact with me, completely going off about something, so I start paying attention wondering whats wrong, until I realize who theyre discussing...It was me. Already I could not believe what was happening...my supposed best friend was really infuriated with me and ripping me apart, yet no one came up to me to talk to me about it at all...and people were already forming judgements about it before I even said anything...And talking to Megan...I just started to say..."I can't believe theyre doing this..." and before I could finish, she says to me "WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERENT SO MEAN TO HER." and I just stood there and completely stared. She quickly apologized and I started to say, without flippingout, you havent even heard my side of the story, someone youve been friends with much longer and trusted longer, and you havent heard my story or my argument and you're already making accusations to me? I have not done anything. All that happened was that certain people assumed I was really mad at them, so instead of acting like mature adults, we had to go behind my back and rip me apart and tell people how MEAN Josh is being and how HORRIBLE Im treating them. Funny. Last time I checked I have done nothing. I start to get really upset at the fact that no one as come up and talked to me other than third parties. Im greatly disappointed the person couldnt come up and ask me what my problem was , so from the very get go, I could have said "Nothing, I was never mad at you, Im sorry I came across in a way you thought I was."

2/15 - 2/16 - So nothing really has come of this situation and people continue to ignore me in the hallway and information surfaces to me about things being said, and its just not nice. I have not discussed this problem with anyone at SCCC and I just try my hardest to distance myself.

2/17 - Is the night of the concert. Paul Nance came and filled in for James, it was amazing and made me REALLY happy to have a real horn player playing next to me for once in Wind Ensemble. Not Adam or James. Leslie & Katie come to see me play, I was really excited. Also, Troy and Leslie's friend Matt came as well. And with that group of people and the given situation, I knew the night wasn't going to be really drama free. So the night ends and Im talking to Katie and Leslie and Lydia and Jess in the Wind Ensemble room with Colin and his girlfriend Jen. Matt and Troy walk in and we're still talking. And then you know who walks in. So later that night Me, Leslie, Matt, Troy, Katie, Lydia, Jess, and Leslie's friend Jon all go out to play pool, it was actually a really fun, and quite interesting evening to say the least...haha....

2/18 - Day of the JHS competition. My guard won by 6. Booya. We're undefeated. I love my guard kids so much and I could not have been any prouder of them. Its going to be an amazing season.

2/20 - So alot of information surfaces. I had asked for my piano music back for my accompaniment. I could not risk the drama and the poor situations on my solo or getting Honors Recital. So I just simply asked for it back. Little did I know, that my music was returned to Mr Evans a while ago. I was never told because the individual was afraid I would think they were doing it on purpose. So instead, they decide to be cowardly yet again, not tell me and apparently I was without an accompanist for 2 weeks and I had not known. You at least owed me to let me know you couldn't do it. That really hurt and disappointed me yet again. What hurt me more, is that everyone else seemed to know about my music being handed back. Even TROY who isnt even in the music department knew, Iris knew, Ariane knew. How is that fair? How is that mature? How is that evem common decency. But I am the mean evil one here? People have IMed me...asking why I am mad at this person, or trying to get involved. I just tell them kindly, it is none of their business and It doesnt concern them. This person has said so much to people about things, when it wasn't in their place. They have been doing nothing but assumtion since day one.

You have really deeply hurt me. I thought you were one of my best friends whom could come and talk to me about anything. But you chose not to. I do not understand how someone badmouths one of our mutual friends and then pretend as if you have NO problem with her, continue to exemplify the epitome of immaturity when you do nothing but call others immature including myself and the above mentioned mutual friend immature, you have said horrible things to me like "You're not going anywhere, youre just going to end up at St Rose." when I have not once discussed my future in definate with anyone. And above that, you tell others thats where I'm "ending up". You have clearly done alot to hurt me. And I have not done one single thing to hurt you. Other than this entry. But this is to clear the air and clear my name and get this all off my chest because I can not take it anymore. You all need to take a good long look deep within yourselves before you all look around to realize no one is there by your side or behind you anymore. At the rate you are going, that will be any day now. You all need to come clean with yourself and the others you supposedly care about. If you don't, others soon will.

I honestly have no idea who or what I can trust anymore...It really blows. There are some days I honestly sit and wonder if there is anyone I can trust. If I really do have any true friends? For example, another friend of mine seems to think I have this huge issue with him, which I don't, wrote a blog entry about it in which eveyone was like "Its his loss, blah, blah"  And...that wasnt exactly what I needed on top of it all. I do not, nor have I ever had a problem with you.

I would be lying if I did not say I was ultimately lost throughout the course of life right now. I really am unsure as to what I want to do in life, and I am really unsure who my true honest to god friends are anymore. Be offended if you wish, but I honestly have no idea anymore with all the problems arising as of late. I have for a while just been distancing myself from school, every break I get, I leave to run errands or just go somewhere away from school where no one can find me...however, I start to wonder. Do I have a niche anywhere? 


 
 
today I'm:: exhaustedexhausted
in my ear: : Incubus - The Warmth
 
 
Joshua
06 February 2006 @ 04:48 pm

If my name was Mary Jane...this would most likely be my life story....

 

What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it

I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for

Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears

You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane...

 

 

...more than you know.

 
 
today I'm:: draineddrained
 
 
Joshua
05 February 2006 @ 11:32 pm

For real? Can't we do without them? I wish I could. Then I wouldnt feel so bad when my supposed close friends treat me like shit at SCCC, or I wouldnt feel bad when I ultimately realize the person I like, has absolutely no interest in me whatsoever. Thats the main emotion I wish I didn't have. Having an attraction to someone. Its horrible. Especially when its a friend of yours, whom you KNOW would never date you in a thousand years. It sucks, when you flirt with them all the time, and I'm pretty sure they think its just innocent and joking around,little do they know that I mean it...jesus I sound so emo. Ew....make it stop. hahaha...

It scares me how much Im unmotivated to work at school anymore. Theres so much I wish at this point, like...maybe not going to Schenectady...or busting my ass to do better my first year...but unfortunately I was just not prepared at all from High School. And its not Mr. Lenig's fault either, he only had me for a year and didn't know me well enough. I get so angry at these other music majors who had so much more experience in high school and took it for granted. Sometimes we are just victims of circumstance and we just have to make the best of what we've been dealt. Unfortunately its way way way past that point. I can't take the immaturity and the viciousness and the pathetic pointless drama. I barely talk to anyone anymore, yet I find it hysterical that Mike Graves had the audacity to even say " Josh is the reason for all the drama in the music department."  Yeah fuck you and all your immature loser friends at this place. I miss all my real friends...that were there last year and the year before. No one's left. Megan even is gone. The people that are still left really treat me poorly. I hate it, I cant take the vicious backbiting or the  immaturity any longer. Its mind numbingly draining to be there everyday...and not only that, it gets very lonesome. I know it sounds pathetic, but it does. These people do not like me at all. Im sick of the rumors and the comments and just all the shit and its so hard to take anymore. I have no motivation or desire to be there and it is starting to truly bother me. But I will not quit, I will not give you that satisfaction.

On a lighter note I have been meeting and getting closer to some people outside of SCCC. Theres my love, Leslie, who is a voice major at SCCC, she made me signs the day of my audition and is just awesome all around. Then theres her friend Katie whom I met and who also made a sign for me, Ive been talking to her alot lately, shes kick ass hardcore. AND she loves Family Guy, she also hasnt had soda in 12 years. That thought frightens me severely. And of course theres William. Oh what would I do without Will!? He and I had WAY WAY WAY too much fun at Shenendehowa at the winterguard competition...we were so bad. We now have a photo gallery after that show. Ask me about it. But we really should not be allowed near one another at a winterguard competition when we're watching it...haha. And speaking of guard theres my Amanda. I  looooooooove that girl. She rocks my socks and then some. Shes the Cortland guard instructor. She really is the Cortland female version of myself.  My Winterguard kids also keep me sane...at the beggining of the season I didnt think I would want to come back next year, but they have definately changed my mind, they are the most amazing young adults I have ever worked with. They make my job worthwhile and amazing experience altogether. Theres also my boy George. No, not Boy George. hahahahha, oh wow its late and Im tired. Hes from Schenectady and hes awesome and we bitch about the single life and what not. Sorry about that emo comment earlier...I still love you nonetheless hahaha. I cant forget my pretend (yes, I just said pretend) adoptive younger sister, Stella, If I ever really did have a little sister, it would most def. be Stella. I mean , shes a musician, an actress and italian. Just like me :)

That was just a little reminder to myself  that the whole world doesnt suck. Just SCCC and former loser friends from High School. :) A random though, for some reason I am really addicted to juice lately...hahah, just thought I'd share. On that note, I have an 830 class tomorrow and I should get some sleep. Night.....

 

 

 
 
today I'm:: awakeawake
in my ear: : Guster - Rainy Day